Sentence variety

Develop the ability to vary the length and type of sentences. By doing so, an editor can avoid choppy or monotonous sentence phrasings. A writer's goal is to convey his ideas as clearly and as smoothly as possible. If readers have to reread passages to figure out the meaning, or if they get trapped in repetitive sentence patterns, the writer reduces effective communication.

The following paragraph from a chapter bulletin is written with short, choppy sentences. In addition, the first word of each sentence is the subject of the sentence.

We went to Atlanta to the international convention. It was quite an experience. We drove about 10 hours in Phil's Buick. We listened to barbershop tapes all the way. I recognized many of the songs, and I have sung in a car many times, but I haven't sung with guys who harmonize so well. Phil's tenor is soft and sweet. Stu sang lead or baritone parts. Bob sang bass. The harmony was easy to listen to. They used many sevenths and transposed keys. One voice often had moving tones during a held chord.

Notice how the previous paragraph sounds almost juvenile in its style. The following paragraph is a revision that improves sentence variety by combining ideas and by using introductory words and phrases.

Our recent trip to the international convention at Atlanta was quite an experience. We drove for about 10 hours in Phil's Buick, listening to barbershop tapes all the way. Even though I recognized many of the songs, I've never had the opportunity to sing them in a car with guys who harmonize so well. Phil's sweet tenor blended well with Bob's bass while Stu pitched in at lead or baritone. We experimented with seventh chords, transposed a few keys, and even tried some moving tones during held chords. I could harmonize with these guys all day.

Advantages of the revised paragraph are the varied sentence lengths and types, the use of introductory words and phrases to avoid beginning every sentence with the subject, the use of more precise verbs and modifiers, and a concluding sentence that brings the paragraph to a natural end.

back to Index

back to Aids for Bulletin Editors