BARBERSHOP JOKES

(or, "Baritone bashing.... because they deserve it!")
submitted by Dick Johnston

How do you get two baritones to sing in perfect unision?
      Shoot one.

What's the difference between a baritone and an onion?
      No one cries when you chop up a baritone.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
      To get away from the baritone section rehearsal.

What's the difference between a baritone and a trampoline?
      You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

What do you call a baritone with half a brain?
      Gifted.

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a baritone?
      You can tune the lawn mower.

What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a baritone?
      One of them's loud, offensive, abrasive, and loved by a few mis-guided weirdos. The other's a TV commentator.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone?
      Add vibrato.

How do you get a lead to sound like a baritone?
      Have him sing louder, flatter, and miss every third note.

What's the range of a baritone?
      About ten yards, if you've got a good arm.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with singers?
      A baritone.

How can you tell if a baritone is knocking on your door?
      He rushes.

Why do baritones have a half ounce more brains than horses?
      So they won't disgrace themselves at parades.

What did the baritone get on his IQ test?
      Drool.

How can you tell when a baritone is out of tune?
      His lips are moving.

Why is a baritone like a SCUD missle?
      They are both offensive and inaccurate.

What do baritones use for birth control?
      Their personalities.

How do you know if a baritone section is at your front door?
      No one knows when to come in.

Why are Barbershop show intermissions limited to twenty minutes?
      So they don't have to retrain the baritone section.

How does a lead change a light bulb?
      He just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
      (Sorry leads, but this one was just too good of a fit)

How do you know when a lead is at your door?
      He can't find his key.

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end....
      It would be a good idea.
      (Sorry tenors, this fit just as good as the shot at the leads)

What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
      A pretty good start.

How do you get a baritone to stop singing?
      Give him a sheet of music.

"Hey buddy - How late does the chorus sing?"
      "Oh, about a half a beat behind the director."

If you drop a baritone and a watermelon off a tall building at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
      Who cares?

HR

back to Humor
back to Aids for Bulletin Editors