MISCELLANEOUS
Submitted by Tina Gunther
New Pasta Diet
There's a new pasta diet-- Just walk pasta bakery without stopping; walk pasta candy store without stopping; walk pasta ice cream store without stopping; ...
Three Kinds of People
There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.
Shipwreck
Did you hear about the freighter bound for San Francisco with a cargo of yo-yo's that got caught in a hurricane?
It sank 42 times.
Romance on a Rooftop
Two TV antennas met on a rooftop, fell in love and decided to get married.
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was excellent.
Answering Machine
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
Good News and Bad News
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
Bad Dream
Last night I dreamt that I was a muffler--
I woke up exhausted!
The Proposal
Larry came home weeping bitterly. He had gone to propose to his girl and his father eagerly awaited her response. "So what happened, Larry?" the old man asked. "Did she accept?"
"Oh, Dad, she sure didn't. When I told her what you advised me to do, she slapped my face and sent me home."
"Did you start out by saying what I told you to, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal?
'Dear, time stands still when I look in your eyes.'
"Did you say that?"
"Dad, I got it all wrong. I said, 'My dear, your face would stop a clock!'"
After The Fight
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."
An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"
Eating Disorder
A man with a banana stuck in his ear and a green bean stuffed up each nostril walks into the doctor's office.
The doctor looks at him and asks what he can do for him.
"Doctor, I just haven't been feeling well lately."
"Well, I can see why. You aren't eating right."
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