A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

My grandmother is 90; she's dating a man 93. They never argue: they can't hear each other.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home. (Phyllis Diller)

The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired. (Milton Berle)

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

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