Literal Answers

I ran across an essay while I was looking for something else on the internet (naturally) and thought that parts of it might be useful in a quartet package. All of the phrases that I have extracted from the longer piece are from well-known songs, although some of the ditties are rather unlikely to be found arranged into barbershop style.

The excerpts might also be used for bulletin filler material.

Tina Gunther
Barbershop Harmony fan
Whittier, Calif., USA

From: Mr. Gradgrind's Literal Answers to Rhetorical Questions

--source: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/gradgrind.html
submitted by Tina Gunther, Whittier, CA

Tell me why the ivy twines.: Not all ivies do twine, of course: some are mere creeping vines. However, climbing ivies such as are commonly seen covering academic buildings maximize their exposure to light by using twining tendrils to affix themselves to other plants and objects in order to gain altitude and escape their shade.
Would you like to swing on a star?: Even supposing that I were to wish to do such a thing, it would be quite impossible. Swinging requires that the force of gravity be exerted in the direction opposite to the pivot of the pendulum, whereas if one were somehow to succeed in attaching a pendulum to even so small a star as a white dwarf the predominant pull of gravity toward the star would convert any such attempt into a rapid vertical plunge toward its surface and almost immediate death by evaporation.
How are you going to keep them down on the farm after they've seen Paris?: Administered commodity prices resulting in an average profit per farmer of no more than $50,000 per annum should be adequate to discourage profligate trips to France.
How high the moon?: It varies between 356,000 and 407,000 km in distance from the surface of the earth, its average distance being 384,400 km.
What shall we do with a drunken sailor?: D. Kolb and E.K.E. Gunderson's study, "Alcoholism in the United States Navy" reports that attempts to prevent, diagnose and rehabilitate sailors suffering from alcohol-related problems are to a measurable degree superior to the older approach of simple hospitalization (published in Armed Forces and Society, Vol. 3, No. 2, pp. 183-194).
Who wrote the Book of Love?: The earliest work that translates into English with that title was penned by the Sufi Sadi in the 13th century. Rene of Anjou, King of Naples 1435-1480, wrote and illustrated his Book of Love some time after 1473 while living idly in Provence. Since then there have been over two dozen books published in English with that title.

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